Dear Mrs. Chua,
My name is Jake Eckhaus and I am a student at Ithaca College in upstate New York. I have recently read the article posted in the Wall Street Journal, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior”, and I must say I feel rather angered by the assumed parenting of Western and Chinese mothers. I don’t believe that you have the right to restrict your children to not playing any instrument other than the violin or piano in that it may harm their mental health and state of being. Another statement that I would completely like to disprove is how all Chinese girls cannot have boyfriends in high school and that they do not go to sleep away camp. Finally, it is no where near okay to tell your child that they are fat or that they are garbage in that it is psychologically damaging as well.
In the article, you talk about how you would not let your children play any instrument other than the piano or violin (Chua pg.1). This is absolutely ridiculous and could cause your child to feel very timid and low in personal expression. Plenty of Chinese-American mothers allow their children to attend private guitar, trumpet, and even drum lessons, in which their children are free to release stress, anger, or emotion through their instrument. According to Elizabeth Scott, whose research has been checked by the Medical Review Board, it was found that, “ Music can also be used to bring a more positive state of mind helping depression and anxiety at bay, and can help keep creativity and optimism levels higher” (Scott par.4). This shows that any instrument that is found enjoyable can help children and the body develop in a healthy way. Although the piano and violin may be very soothing instruments, it should be up to the child on which sounding instrument they get the most enjoyment out of and take seriously. There is no evidence saying that drums or guitar lead to bad behavior and as research shows, any instrument can have a powerful effect over a child. It is obvious that not all Chinese mothers like yourself forbid musical freedom for their child. Music is a wonder of the world, and should not be hidden from a child if they would like to explore certain instruments.
It is also crazy how you think that ALL Chinese parents do not allow their daughters to date in high school or for their children to not go to sleep away camp. Being a freshman in college, I personally have four years of high school experience. Attending high school for four years, I have seen multiple relationships between Chinese girls and boys along with, although maybe shocking to you, relationships with Chinese girls and western boys as well. To go into even more detail, a Chinese girl that I know named Jessica Lee has been dating her boyfriend since 9th grade. I don’t know if this may be shocking to you or not, but that would mean Jessica has dated him through her ENTIRE high school experience. Also, I have attended sleep away camp from the ages of 10-12 and I had plenty of Chinese children in my group. Along with my personal experiences, according to Jon Malinowski from the American Camp Association, “ In terms of race and ethnicity, 75 percent of residential camp populations in 2006 were white, 10 percent were black, 7 percent were Hispanic, and 3 percent were Asian” (Malinowski par. 4). This statistic itself is enough to prove the “no” sleep away camp rule wrong. To add to that, this country is becoming more culturally accepting every year so I would not be surprised if the amount of Asian campers have gone up to about 10 percent by this year. Seeing these personal anecdotes and official facts, I think it is safe to say that some Chinese girls do in fact date in high school and that Chinese children are allowed to attend sleep away camp over the summer.
The thing that I found the most repellent in your editorial is how you publically called your daughter garbage at a dinner party and how you think it is okay to tell your children that they are fat (Chua pg.2). You might think this will enter your child’s brain as hard but positive encouragement and it does not at all. If you were so caught up on your studies and knowledge about parenting, you would have realized that negative parenting could lead to child depression and cause aggravation. In an article called Harsh Parenting in Relation to Child Emotion Regulation and Aggression, the head of the department of education at The Chinese University of Hong Kong, Lei Chang backs up this statement. He explains that, “The association between harsh parenting and child aggression depends on whether parental disciplinary actions are carried out in an emotionally controlled or an emotionally charged manner” (Chang par.2). Considering you have called your child a fatty and garbage in front of many people, I would like to assume you said it in an emotionally charged and negative manner. As we see from Professor Chang, that could easily lead to a direct cause in a child’s future aggression. Out of all of the remarks that were made in your article, publicly humiliating and putting down your child is by far the most surprising in my opinion. No child should have to endure the feeling of a parent letting everyone know around them that their child has disappointed them.
In all, I think your editorial; Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior might be why many people stereotype that Chinese Mothers are crazy and strict. With mental health from musical freedom, guessing that all Chinese girls do not date in high school or go to sleep away camp, and negatively calling out your child in public, one can see that the way you parent your child isn’t the way every Chinese parent does. In fact, this might even prove that some Chinese parents raise their children like many Western parents do in today’s world. If your way of parenting work for your children, then continue to do as you do and I hope they grow up to be very successful and happy people. On the other hand, parents should be able to raise their kids in their own way, so for you to stereotype and assume how things should be done is a disrespectful blow to all parents who are different around the world.
Sincerely,
Jake Eckhaus.
WORKS CITED
Chang, Lei. "Harsh Parenting in Relation to Child Emotion Regulation and
Aggression." Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. J Fam Psychol, 17 Dec. 2011. Web. 1 Mar.
2011. <http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2754179/>.
Chua, A. (2011, January 8). Why Chinese mothers are superior. Retrieved March 4,
2011, from http://online.wsj.com/article/
SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html
Malinowski, J. (2008, September). Site seeing: Selected findings from the site,
Facilities, and program survey. Retrieved March 13, 2011, from Camping
Magazine website: http://www.acacamps.org/campmag/issues/0809/malinowski
Scott, E. (2007, November 1). Music and your body: How music affects us and why
Music therapy promotes health. Retrieved March 17, 2011, from
http://stress.about.com/od/tensiontamers/a/music_therapy.htm
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